Since you were Four Years Old
by S. E. Holmes
Summary: One more word Shigure, and the entire publishing world will know every embarassing thing you've done since you were four.
1. Chapter 1

**Since You Were Four Years Old**

**The Streaking Incident**

DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em.

A/N: Rating for the nakedness of small children. I will be continuing this, as soon as I get a good idea for a new chapter.

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Four-year-old Shigure Sohma squirmed uncomfortably from his seat under a tree. It was a sweltering August afternoon. The sky was a wavering, hazy mass that pressed down on every living thing stupid enough to venture outdoors. The only good place to be out of doors was in water. And that was Shigure's exact problem.

_Flashback_

"GURE!" Ayame shouted while tackling Shigure to the floor and snuggling him, "I missed you so much! It's been such a long time since I saw you last!"

"AYA!" Shigure snuggled back, "And Hari! I haven't seen you two since right after breakfast!"

"Good afternoon," Hatori said, bowing to Shigure's mother, who had been reading a book at the table, "Ayame and I were going to go swimming in stream near in the woods. Would it be alright for Shigure to come with us?"

Ayame leapt off Shigure, "Oh please let him come with us! Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh PLEASE!" Ayame batted his eyelashes and tossed his silver hair.

"Mother, may I please go?" Shigure said, getting up.

Shigure's mother frowned a bit as she said, "Shigure, I don't know. It rained the other day. The stream has to be swollen. It could be dangerous."

"Aw mother!" Shigure made puppy-dog eyes, which was obviously highly effective, "I'll be careful, I swear!"

The cute look only served to remind Shigure's mother what life might be like if Shigure was drowned. Not wanting to be made the bad guy in the situation, she thought up an excuse, "Shigure, I'm afraid your swimming trunks are all in the laundry."

"Aw!" Shigure whined.

"However, you may go, just no swimming."

Shigure brightened visibly, "Okay!" He grabbed Hatori's left hand while Ayame grabbed his right and the two boys shot off down the path to the woods dragging Hatori.

"You're clothes had better be dry when you return!" Shigure's mother called at the three boys' retreating forms.

_End Flashback_

"A-ya!" Shigure called from the bank, "Hari! I'm bored..."

Ayame stopped splashing Hatori who was diligently trying to improve his swimming, which was good anyway because of the Spirit of the Dragon (Sea Horse.) He got out of the water and plopped down next to Shigure. Hatori finished his lap and got out as well, using his blue towel to dry his hair.

"Well, Gure, what should we do? It's so hot..." Ayame trailed off and began drying his hair with his purple bubble towel.

"I wish I could go swimming," Shigure said mournfully, staring at clear, cold water.

"I've got it!" Ayame cried, "I know how you can go swimming!"

Shigure looked up with a doubtful expression that was nonetheless mingled with hope, "How? My clothes can't get wet or my mother will be angry."

Ayame beamed and began fiddling with Shigure's obi, "Who said you'd be wearing your clothes?"

Shigure blushed slightly and grabbed Ayame's hands, "That would be a good idea, but I would feel a bit odd being the only one naked."

"Oh. Okay, you coward!" With that, Ayame stripped himself of his trunks.

Not about to be outdone, Shigure followed suit. Soon both boys were having a grand ol' time splashing about the stream. Hatori looked on with a look of annoyance.

"Hari!" Shigure cried from the water, "What are you doing? Get in!"

"Yes, come on!" Ayame cried, sending a splash toward the future doctor's direction.

"No." Hatori said, putting his shirt on, "I'm not going to be caught like this. I'm going home."

"Aw! Ha-ri..." Shigure whined as Hatori continued to walk without a backward glance.

"Gure...I've got an idea." Ayame whispered into Shigure's ear.

The next thing Hatori knew he was being held down by Shigure, stripped by Ayame, and thrown into the water by them both.

Hatori surfaced more angry with his two friends than he had been in a long while.

"Give me back my clothes!" Hatori yelled, not getting out of the water, "NOW!"

Shigure, upon seeing Ayame about to do what Hatori said, grabbed Hatori's clothes and towel and took off on the path, followed closely by Ayame.

"You'll have to catch me first!"

Hatori's mother was on Shigure's front porch chatting with his mother before going to get the three boys when the two heard shouts coming from the area near the forest. Momentarily fearing for the boy's safety, the two began charging down the path. They were stopped dead in their tracks at the sight of a very naked Shigure and Ayame who soon crashed into their legs.

In spite of being caught streaking, Shigure and Ayame couldn't stop laughing at the sight of an angry, dripping wet Hatori who looked so much less dignified than usual.

"My goodness! Hatori!" His mother said as she retrieved his towel and began to dry her son.

"Shigure... what happened?" Shigure's mother asked him, giving his the look that said oh-so-clearly that he was in trouble.

"Well mother, you see..." Shigure turned to Ayame for support.

Ayame jumped, "Oh my goodness! It's gotten so late! I would love to stay longer, but I need to be getting home so I'll just get my clothes and leave. Bye!" With that, Ayame ran off.

"Shigure, you're grounded for a week."

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A/N: Thoughts? Comments? Money? Yes? 


	2. Chapter 2

**The Snake Incident**

A/N: WOW! What a great number of reviews! Thank you so much for your dimes, candy, and compliments! This will be an on-going list of Shigure's embarrassing moments, but the last chapter was more embarrassing to Hatori. Oh well!

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Shigure Sohma looked mournfully up at the formidable building that was to be his prison for the next six years. He, Ayame, and Hatori were about to start their first day of Kindergarten. That morning had been a confused rush of item checking, hair combing, pictures, kisses, worries, and tears. (All on the part of Shigure's mother.) Shigure yawned. It had been enough to wear anyone out, and he still had the whole day to go through.

"Hurry up. We're going to be late." Hatori said.

Hatori seemed his usual serious self that day. As serious as a five-year-old can be, anyway. Ayame seemed a bit down. He had been given a long and threatening speech about the consequences of crashing into girls and letting out the secret. The thought of people finding out had been no where near as terrifying to him as the potential punishment. He would be grounded indefinitely, and not see Hatori and Shigure for a very long, long time. Ayame had pointed out that he didn't care about hugging silly girls when Shigure and Hatori were much nicer, but this seemed to only make his parents more strained.

The trio entered the classroom, surveying the bright colors and friendly atmosphere. The teacher was busy trying to console a hysterically crying girl who acted as though her life was over. Noticing that she was extremely cute, Shigure's attention was distracted from his cousins.

Hatori found the desk with his nametag next to Ayame's and behind Shigure's. _At least I'll be able to keep my eye on those two,_ he thought as he began to get his things in order.

Ayame, upon seeing the hearts dancing above Shigure's head and Hatori ignoring everything else, cast his gaze about the room, searching for anything amusing. The rows of desks faced the teacher's desk and the blackboard at the front of the room. There were several plants in the back, along with a cage of hamsters and a fish tank. Ayame poked a stick at a brown and white hamster who squealed 'Hamha!' before dashing under it's overturned food dish.

The fish tank was less interesting. There were two or three goldfish and betas floating on the top, dead. The only living creature in the water seemed to be a sucker fish that was stuck to a side and seemed oblivious to everything, including the poo it was nestled in.

But beyond the hamster and the fish was a large glass tank that appeared to house nothing more than a few sticks. In spite of this, Ayame somehow felt drawn to the glass case.

Ayame let out a small squeal of pleasure. Halfway hidden amongst the sticks was a snake. It was a non-poisonous black rat snake, but it was still over three feet long and sleeping peacefully.

"Gure! Gure! Come over here and look at this!" Ayame called over his shoulder. The black-haired boy moved reluctantly away from staring at the pretty girl.

"What is it, Aya?" Shigure peered through the glass, "Oh! What a huge snake!"

The snake opened it's beady little eyes at stared intensely at Ayame.

"Oh! The poor little snake!" Ayame whispered, his golden eyes filling with tears, "He wants to be free."

"Huh?"

"He hates being trapped in this small glass cage. He hates not being able to roam the wilds," Ayame began to sniff and cry full-fledged, "He misses his friends!"

"Oh, Aya, don't cry," Shigure said putting his arm around the slightly shorter boy and wiping the tears off his face with his free hand, "I'll help you set the snake free if you want to."

Ayame's eyes grew large and shiny, "Really, Gure?" Bubbles randomly appeared everywhere. Ayame grasped Shigure's hand, "You would do that? For me?"

Shigure grasped Ayame's hands back, "Aya, I would do anything to help you!"

"Yes!" The two boys grinned and gave the thumbs-up sign.

Hatori rolled his eyes.

"Okay Aya, here's the plan..." Shigure began to whisper in Ayame's ear.

_Later that day..._

The teacher had finally managed to quiet all the children down and they were now taking their afternoon nap. She had just began to read her book (Harry Potter) when a horrible scream echoed throughout the entire classroom.

"AHHHHHH!" It was Shigure who began writhing on the floor in pain, "I'VE BEEN STUNG! I'VE BEEN STUNG BY A SCORPION! OH, THE PAIN!"

Maybe half of the students knew what a scorpion was, and none of them realized that scorpions were not native to Japan. The half that knew began to spaz out and run around, shrieking in terror, scaring the other half into doing the same. Several girls and one boy began to cry on the spot. Hatori sat up on his mat and glared stoically at Shigure, who hadn't stopped rolling around or screaming.

The teacher started to run towards Shigure, but tripped over a desk. By the time she got up, Shigure had begun to whimper slightly as he trembled in the fetal position. All the students were staring at him in wide-eyed terror from the safety of their desks.

The teacher put her hand on Shigure's back. He had stopped moving entirely.

"Shigure! Shigure, say something!" She said in panic.

"Huh?" Shigure carefully rubbed his eyes and sat up, "Is naptime over already? I was having such an interesting dream that I was walking through the desert and I saw so many neat animals..."

"Wha...?" His teacher asked. She didn't seem to notice that Ayame was no longer in the classroom.

At that very moment, the bell rang signaling the end of the day. Shigure slipped to the locker room to change his shoes, followed closely by a very angry Hatori.

"Shigure, do you have any idea how stupid that was of you?" Hatori asked through clenched teeth, "What were you two doing, anyway?"

"Two?" Shigure asked in an innocent tone, "I don't understand what you mean..."

"Oh it doesn't matter Gure! You may as well tell him!" Ayame appeared from the hallway, "Maybe he can help us look for it!"

"It? What did you two do, exactly?" Hatori glared.

Shigure blinked in confusion, "Look for it? What happened, Aya?"

Ayame sighed in a very depressed manner, "That poor snake was so excited to be free it slithered away from me before I could get outside. I haven't found it yet."

"You stole the snake from the classroom!" Hatori was shocked. _And I really shouldn't be..._

"So Aya," Shigure glanced around nervously, "Were did you say you lost that snake again?"

"Oh, somewhere near the girl's locker room."

At that moment, a chorus of piercing female shrieks cut through the air.

"Oops," Ayame said with a cheerful grin.

"Funny how these things happen," Shigure said, draping his arm across Ayame's shoulder.

Hatori smacked his hand against his forehead, "You idiots."

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A/N: Will update once inspiration hits. _dodges bricks_ Hey! Bricks aren't inspirational! 


	3. Chapter 3

**The Gender Switch Incident**

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A/N: Dimes help very much. And I don't think Ayame had long hair when he was very young. In flashbacks of him ignoring Yuki, his hair is a little longer than adult Shigure's. When Ayame is in high school, his hair was about as long as Tohru's.

Ten-year-old Shigure and Hatori Sohma were at a local library on one fine Autumn day. Their class had been assigned to pick a profession and write a short paper on the kinds of things one would need to know for it. So the Madubachi trio had planned to set out to the library to look for books with information on their possible future careers.

Hatori had found several books about human health and anatomy. He had surprised Shigure with his excitement on the subject. Hatori's fingers were itching to start reading the books. Shigure had gotten nothing for himself, but had got a list of books Ayame had requested. The silver-haired boy had to cancel at the last minute because his parents had needed to talk with him about something serious. Shigure frowned. That was odd. Ayame's parent had the tendency to... ignore him most of the time. They had never before interfered with his plans. Shigure signed and continued his search for books on sewing and women's fashion.

Shigure had just managed to stagger to the check-out counter with the large stack when Ayame entered the building. He dragged his feet and sighed as he reached the two other boys.

"Aya?" Shigure peered into Ayame's face, "What's wrong? What did your parents say to you?"

Ayame fixed his stare on his shoes, "I..."

Shigure wrapped his arm around Ayame while Hatori rested his hand on his shoulder. "What is it?" Hatori said gently.

"...I have a...new little brother," Ayame murmured.

Shigure blinked at stared at Ayame, "Then why are you so upset? I think it'd be cool to have a little brother."

Hatori narrowed his eyes at Ayame, "What else is bothering you?"

"Well, my mother and father got angry when I asked them how he got here," Ayame paused, "Oh yeah, and he's cursed with the Spirit of the Rat, too."

"Oh Aya, I'm so sorry. That must be so hard on your mother, having two children she cannot hold," Shigure's eyes began tearing up. Even Hatori seemed upset.

"That's not why I'm upset," Ayame said, "Mother and Father would ignore me more if I had a sibling who wasn't cursed. I'm glad the little thing is. Anyway, I just want to know how it got here. I'm not entirely sure a stork brings babies, but that's what they told me..."

Shigure laughed loudly, causing the bespectacled librarian to send the boys the Look of Death, "Aya, you're so silly, that's why I love you so much."

Ayame blinked in confusion, "Where do babies come from, then?"

"From under a cabbage leaf."

At this Hatori began laughing so loudly that the librarian literally threw the boys out the doors with their books. Even after landing with a smack against the concrete, Hatori still kept laughing.

"Ow..." Shigure said, standing up.

"It's okay, Gure," Ayame said, reaching over to brush off the seat of Shigure's kimono.

Finally Hatori stopped laughing long enough to stand up and say, "You idiots," before collapsing into giggles again.

"Why are you laughing so much, Hari?" Shigure asked, "Do you know?"

Hatori picked up one of the books he had just checked out, "Let's go home and see if I can explain things to you with the help of this."

_Later..._

"...And then the cell begins to divide, and after nine months, the baby is born." Hatori finished.

Shigure and Ayame stared wide-eyed at the illustrations in the book Hatori held on his lap.

Shigure took a deep breath and poked to a spot on the picture, "Is this where the baby comes out?"

"Through the vaginal canal, yes."

Ayame blinked, "Um...Hatori...I don't think it would fit..."

Hatori sighed and began to explain.

_Even Later..._

Shigure and his mother and father were sitting down to a quiet dinner. Shigure's father was sitting to Shigure's right at the table, his tie loosened and his hair mussed. He had just spent a long day at the office he managed in the city. Shigure's mother seemed tired as well, simply from housework and worrying over every little thing that came their way. The meal was silent, not from anger or annoyance, but from the simple happiness of being able to relax a bit at the end of the day.

Shigure's mother looked at her son as he ate, who was obviously contemplating something in silence. "Shigure," She asked, "You're very quiet tonight."

"Yes, you are, " His father said, "What are you thinking about?"

"Well, it's just I forgot..." Shigure trailed off, slightly embarrassed.

"What is it? Did you put your work off until the last minute again?" His mother seemed miffed.

Shigure giggled nervously, "No I finished my paper...I wrote it on being a writer..."

Shigure's father smiled, "That could be an interesting job... writing can be unstable, just to warn you if you're serious about it. But anyway, what did you forget, then?"

"You see, I can't remember if it's men or women who have fallopian tubes."

Shigure's mother and father choked into their rice.

"And I don't see why people would want to go through sexual intercourse to make a baby," Shigure continued, "The people in the pictures seemed to be yelling in pain..."

Shigure's mother fell over and his father developed a rather nasty eye twitch.

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A/N: I know a girl who did this once. She was taking a test and had to fill in the names for various parts of the male anatomy, and labeled the vas deferens as fallopian tubes. - 


	4. Chapter 4

**The Red Light District Incident**

A/N: Yes, I know it's been a bit...I got distracted. First, by work, second, be the new Harry Potter book. I've finished it...and I'm quite angry. For any of you who've finished it...you know what I mean. Well anyway, enjoy...

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Seventeen-year-old Hatori sighed heavily from his seat at the end of Ayame's couch. Ayame had invited his two friends over to play Grand Theft Auto: Nursing Home. The game's object is to pick out your favorite tricked out wheelchair, steal it, and terrorize your fellow old people with it. Instead of guns, you illegally purchase various syringes filled with insulin, potassium chloride, or cyanide. But beware: if you try to buy the favors of a nurse (instead of a prostitute,) she just may screw up your meds and you just may die.

This had, apparently, just happened to Shigure, who cried out, "NOOOOO! I'm dead! That evil woman gave me an overdose of Vicodin...why would she do that!"

"She's probably grumpy because you offered her ten dollars and your old toupee for half an hour of 'fun'," Hatori muttered as he stared at the screen, wondering how on earth anyone could be entertained by such a mindless game.

"Or perhaps she's grumpy because her outfit is so atrocious," Ayame commented as he knocked over several gurneys and an old woman with his wheelchair.

"Watch out, Aya!" Shigure yelled suddenly, "You're headed for-too late."

Shigure and Ayame both pouted as Ayame's man plummeted down some stairs to his death. Hatori gave another pathetic sigh as he began to stare at the ceiling.

Shigure leaned over to look at him from around Ayame, "Hari, are you still feeling bad about today?"

Hatori grimaced slightly. He didn't want to think about today. That morning, Ayame's seven-year-old brother, Yuki, had been playing with some of his friends in the yard. A girl had tripped into Yuki and he had transformed into a rat. The order had been given, and Hatori had had to erase the memory of all of the children that had been there. Erasing the memories hadn't been so hard, but trying to consol Yuki after it had happened had been. Yuki had clung to Hatori and cried for the longest time, knowing that nothing could be done otherwise. It was too much for a child of seven to have to go through, losing all of his friends like that.

"Ayame," Hatori asked, "How is Yuki? Is he a little better, now?"

Ayame looked rarely downcast and serious, "I suppose. He fell asleep not long ago. They were worried he might catch something in his lungs from crying so much, so they took him to the doctor's, just in case." Ayame focused his attention on Hatori, "I do wish you'd cheer up. I can't stand to see anybody depressed, and you two most of all. Hari, do you not like the game I picked out? I thought you would, seeing as how you want to be a doctor and this has doctors in it."

"Ayame, this has nothing to do with medicine and everything to do with sluttish cartoon nurses."

Ayame scoffed, "I don't see how they can be considered sluttish, when they look that ugly. I mean, all white scrubs? They need more color and excitement! Now, the white cap and stockings would be good, but only if..." Ayame trailed off, muttering to himself about potential fashions for nurses.

"I think they're all very pretty," Shigure said, with a slightly offended look in his eye.

Hatori stood up, "Well, thank you both for trying to make me feel better, but I think I'll be heading home now."

Ayame jumped up as well, "You know, I just thought of something we could do. Since you don't like videogames..." Ayame turned and began to whisper to Shigure.

Hatori's alarms began to beep as Shigure's expression went from curiosity, to doubt, to hope, and finally to the hyper grin he wore whenever he and Ayame had something cooked up, or pretty girls were around.

_Later..._

The Madubachi trio stood in a very seedy part of the city. Shop windows were boarded up everywhere, trash littered the street, and several street lamps were broken. Amongst the many shadows, people of various 'occupations' slunk in the shadows. Some were selling illegal items, some were merely looking for a person to mug or a handout or a place to sleep, or whatever came first. In the few bright patches of light, heavily made-up women of various ages, sizes, and races stood in groups, leering in a rather unpleasant way at scurrying passersby.

Hatori seemed rooted to the spot, "...Why on Earth..."

"Well, you see," Ayame said, he and Shigure still sporting the same stupid grins as before, "This way we're all happy."

"Let me see. You get to critique the outfits, Shigure gets to look, and I get to debate over leaving alone or making you leave with me before you do something stupid," Hatori snorted, "I think we need to leave, now."

Shigure grabbed a hold of Hatori's upper arm, "But, Hari, you need to be here to get your present."

"...What?"

"We're going to buy you a hooker!"

"...WHAT."

Shigure began to drag Hatori over to where Ayame seemed to be negotiating a price from a rather voluptuous young women who would have been pretty if not for the heavy layer of makeup and tight leather outfit.

Hatori looked from the woman, to Shigure, to Ayame, and promptly passed out.

"He doesn't seem quite in the mood..." The lady said, leaving to go back to stand with a few other women.

"...Well," Shigure said, and he and Ayame began to hoist up Hatori, "That didn't go quite as I planned."

"Oh well, Gure," Ayame said, "At least he's not feeling depressed anymore."

"...I don't think he's feeling much right now..."

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A/N: More to come later... I suppose that was kinda short. 


End file.
